"You are so obviously Hue"

Robert Hunt was right. Piglets are bricks of energy! haha This is at my uncle's boar farm.

Where do I even begin with this post?!

There are so many things running through my mind. I don't even know what sentences to start with. It's just words left and right. Language, landscape, waist line, food, family, HEAT...My mind has been racing since.. since I boarded the plane at SFO. I've been journaling this whole time in various sketchbooks.. and there are loads of details that I'd like to share on this blog, but it'd make the post FAR too long! So I will try and keep things short. Maybe when I return home, I'll try and throw a little party so I can let it all out in one giant ramble haha

I have been going through so, so, SO many different emotions and states of being since I flew in on the 25th (or was it the 26th? I can't even remember!) Traveling here alone with no watch, phone, or computer, I felt like time didn't even exist. All I was consumed by was excitment and nervousness for the full 20 hours of travel. It was lonely at first, but.. In a way. I'm glad I'm doing this alone because I'm fully experiencing this trip instead of checking social media or worrying about money or other things back home. So far, I've been taking in all that this country and my family has to offer. The smells and sounds.. the streets and the beautiful greenery.. reflecting on the lives that exist here in comparison to those in the United States. I've been having dreams about friends and family back home while building new friendships and relationships with those in Vietnam. I tear up some times and get angry and frustrated during others. It has been a whirlwind.

Despite the mess of emotions I've been going through, I'm grateful. I'm extremely lucky to have one side of my family living in the city of Hue and the other living in the countryside of Hue. I chated with other art students at the University of Hue, and saw the countryside trees made famous in American theaters. And I have to make a note, that I'm glad I'm traveling here as an adult instead of as a kid or teenager with my parents. Things are really different when you have freedom and moxie. I also have to remember to not cling too closely to my western inclinations. Seeing poverty here is tragic and enlightening.. (we, in the states, really are so lucky) and I'm trying to soak it all in with no judgements.

My cousins here have been extremely generous and thoughtful. I love em to bits and pieces and they make me miss my siblings. I'm making my way through the language barrier and learning a LOT more vietnamese, which is so great!! There are so many things I've failed to communicate with my parents.. hopefully with the help of my cousins I can lessen the cap between us. Ah, again, there is so much to say but I don't want to run this post too long or go off on too many tangents. Plus, the longer I sit here in front of the computer, the less time I get with family (..and there's a little kid next to me who is really eager to play computer games and wants me to finish up! haha)

I'm glad a student at Hue University said to me, "You're so obviosuly Hue". Apparently I have a thick Hue accent! It was really assuring and shocking at the same time because I've always been self concious of my vietnamese and other viets in America can never understand me. But thats because my dialect is rare, especailly in the states! So my viet isn't bad, it's just different! I really needed that confidence boost. My cousins are also teaching me how to read and write viet, so we'll see how much of a language pro I'll be at the end of my 3 week stay. All in all, Vietnam so far has been wild, fun, heartbreaking, and inspiring all at once. Enjoying it all. 

Sending everyone much love! xoxox

On the way to my cousin's university!

I had to take a picture! Yay!

In a few hours I will be embarking on a journey to Vietnam

25 days and 24 nights

It has been roughly 15 years since I've been back to Vietnam.. 15 years since being on a plane, 15 years since leaving the state of California!

And I'm going all on my own. No cell phone, no computer. 1 sketchbook. (Okay, maybe 3 sketchbooks)

Originally my father was to accompany me so that I could learn about the journey he, his brothers, my mother, and countless other Vietnamese refugees underwent to restart their lives in America. But I think to understand the perspective of my parents--to step on new soil, to face the potential alienation, and to embrace all that is to come-- I have to stand on my own two feet.
I am excited and frightened all at once. There is so much that has yet to hit me, but there is no turning back. The steps to this point have been tumultuous but worthwhile.

It is funny to think that at a certain point in my formative years, I dreamt of erasing my own skin. I wanted to denounce my heritage. There were years of internalized racism, re-enforced by peers who misunderstood culture for the wrong kind of difference. Lower class, south east asian, a little chubby, and female-- I always stuck out and cried out. Thankfully, art became the catalyst for a whirlwind of change and being an adolescent got a little easier.

And oddly enough, I didn't know about my parent's refugee story until I was a senior exiting high school. It took 18 years for me to even ask them about how they got here and why.

Luckily, it has only taken 3 years for me to be able to go to Vietnam and uncover what it was they left. I never thought I would ever be able to afford it. I never thought I'd have the chance to do this. I still can't believe I'm even allowed to do it! This journey will be a melding of two things I hold dearest to me: art and identity. Art is indeed my identity, but I am trying to find a way to embrace every aspect of my individuality.

Though I have since traded in the studded belts for paint brushes, I am still a little DIY punk at heart. But I have learned too that it is okay to compromise if it's for a loved one (in preparation for this trip I had to trade in my feminist disposition for one of formal feminine nature, by way of my mother). I have no complains though, there is still so much learning ahead of me. I know that I will have limited access to internet and will be leaving my phone in the United States, but I made this blog in hopes of keeping those who have supported me connected. Those growing years would have been so different without the many people in my life who helped shape me. Without my high school art teacher and mentor, Michael Doyle, I would have never immersed myself in art, and without Rita Carrasco for introducing me to the book I Love Yous Are For White People by Lac Su, I would have never found the strength to talk to my parents about their legacy. There are so many people out there I am grateful for.

Thank you to the staff and faculty members of Amador Valley High School (seriously, I wouldn't even be in college without the help of 'The Donnies!')

Thank you to the California College of the Arts and their Illustration community. I cannot say it enough. You guys are the bridge! Thank you Randy Chavez, Bob Ciano, Mark Eanes, Justin Gabbard, Linda Grebmeier, John Hersey, Robert Hunt, Chris Koehler, Caitlin Kuhwald, Alexis Mahrus, John Mattos, Adam McCauley, Jean Oppermann, Owen Smith, Barron Storey, and Michael Wertz. With additional thanks to Matt Silady and Justin Hall for giving me the thumbs up since day one. Thank you for being okay with my weirdness haha!

And thank you friends and family. Sending you all much love.